Final Destination 5

Final Destination 5 trailer

Alright here is installment number 5.

This the same movie as the rest. Someone has a vision, saves a few of the people around him.  Then one by one the are killed off in unique yet horrific ways. That’s it.

This was really bad, by far the worst of the series! I know you are never going to capture the originality of the first movie or the inventive way 2 continued the story, but damn at least make a watchable movie.  They didn’t even try, the story was recycled, acting terrible, plot meaningless and the only one that died that was freakin cool was the gymnast crushing herself off the uneven bars.  Now that was gnarley!!  The bridge scene that the vision was part of was cool but that was it, the rest of the movie was so lame I started falling asleep.  You should never fall asleep in a horror movie!  I hope this is the last one Hollywood will make of this movie because this was garbage!

I give this movie 1 Beer.

Antichrist

Antichrist trailer

I tackled this movie because I heard it was disturbing, well it was to say the least.  But it was the most artsy horror/drama/porno I have ever seen.

This is a story about a married couple who tragically lose their child in a horrible but artsy scene at the beginning of the movie.  The husband (Wilem Dafoe) is a therapist and takes on the task, against his better judgement of treating his own wife (Charolette Gainsbourg) who has spent over a month in a mental institution.

The film delves into his therapy of her grief, fear and pain, but to me it had nothing to do with losing their child.  He takes her up to some cabin deep in the woods to continue his therapy on her.  For some reason she is afraid of grass, don’t ask.  Apparently she believes nature is the devil’s church and is trying to punish her or some shit like that.  She seems to have a break through but then back slides and the husband starts to make a discovery that his wife is just slap-ass -apeshit- nuts even before the accident.  I won’t go into what happens, see it for yourself or have a friend that has watched this tell you.

I am sorry I just don’t do artsy horror movies and that’s what this is.  Cut away shots of trees, forests, slow motion water droplets during pornoesque sex scenes (oh it shows everything), and grotesque nature cruelty, does not impress me. To me the movie was boring as hell except the last 40 minutes, it was pretty brutal and gory. I actually winced and closed my eyes more than once and I love gory.  It was very realistic.  However, it took that long for him to realize she is just nuts, hell I knew it 30 minutes into the movie.

This movie is filled with sex scenes (that are not faked), nudity, and graphic violence.  It is also full of imagery that I did not really get, call me stupid if you want.  My best guess it had to do with Dante’s Inferno.  It made no sense to me.  I get that it contributed to her madness and her obsession but damn, really?  I think it took more away from the movie than it did driving the story.  It was not about grieving the loss of a child, there was no connection there. So to me the movie just goes down a path that had nothing to do with the original state of grief.

If you can handle some really gross stuff and sit through some sex scenes and handle a boring ass acid trip of a movie, rent this.  If your into really F’ed up movies with some shocking scenes, rent this.  If you are one of those who like to try to figure out the imagery in a movie, rent it.  If your like me and you want to just see a gory horror movie without all the fancy cinema photography and artsy scenes don’t bother.

I give this movie 2 Beers.

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer trailer

Talk about an obscure movie.  I never would have watched or even have heard of it if it my brother had not recommended it.  I’m glad he did.

This movie explores the sense of smell and its relationship with how we react to what we smell. Just like different ways a person reacts to smelling a fart for example. But it goes further into the emotional meaning that scents carry.

The story is about a boy born literally on the streets of 18th Century France, Jean Baptiste Grenouille (means frog in french)  played by Ben Whishaw.  He was born with an extra ordinary super sense of smell.  He has a rough life growing up in orphanages and seeing the brutality of street life in Paris.  He decides to get a job where his talents can be used.  He approaches world renowned perfume maker Giuseppe Baldini played by Dustin Hoffman.  Baldini is impressed with his talents and gift then takes him under his wings as an apprentice.

One night while walking the streets he comes across a girl whose  scent he just has to be near. He creeps her out and she screams so then he kills her by accident. The scent of her dying is intoxicating to him. After she is gone and so is the scent. Right then he decides that his purpose in life is recapture that scent and bottle it.  He leaves the city and starts working at a tannery on the property of Antoine Richis played by Alan Rickman. Richis is the richest man in the city of Grasse and has a beautiful daughter that Grenouille has taken a fancy to.  Bad for her because while he is working at the tannery he is systematically killing young girls in secret and using their bodies to cultivate his masterpiece of smells.  It’s not long that Grenouille knows that he needs Richis’s daughter to complete his work.

Eventually he is found out and caught. Brought to a public execution where thousands show up to see him killed.  Before they can kill him he opens his bottle of dead girl essences and waves it into the air.  The effect it has on the crowd is unbelievable and then the largest orgy in film history ensues. I was like holy shit, was not expecting that!  During the melee he escapes. I won’t say anymore because it has a shocker of an ending.

I really liked this movie.  It’s hard to describe and for me to explain.  It’s a serial killer flick without all the blood and gore that I’m use to.  The movie leads you down a path where you start to question whether Grenouille is really a bad person.  He is of course but not in the classic sense.  This movie is so well told and acted that you cannot stop watching.  It does have a few slow parts but they lend to the story.  I am confident in saying I think you will like this movie too.

I give this movie 4 Beers.

Reader Question: What obscure movie have you seen that you might recommend?