The Vanishing on 7th Street

The Vanishing on 7th Street

This supernatural thriller stars Hayden Christiensen, Thandie Newton, and John Leguizamo.  Trailers looked very intriguing and looked like this could be a hidden gem of a movie.

It is about 4 survivors of a sudden a mysterious plague of darkness.  All batteries get drained with in minutes, the sun sets earlier and earlier everyday, and the city has no power. To top it all off the darkness seems to be alive and consumes all the people in the city unless you are protected by light.  The survivors hold up in a local bar called Sonny’s on 7th street that is the only place still with power due to a gasoline powered generator.  The fuel is running low and they desperately try to cling to any light source they have.

This movie started off really good and I was immediately drawn in but by the time it got to the meat of the movie there just wasn’t any, “where’s the beef?” This movie was so full of holes and leaves the viewer wondering what the hell is going on.  Most of the movie takes place in Sonny’s Bar, the only source of power in the whole city.  But yet they keep going outside into the dark and almost getting consumed by the darkness every time. That was the only suspense in the movie the shadows closing in and the light always in jeopardy off going out.  It started off really cool and creepy then it just got boring. They do give some lame excuse for what might be happening.  The colony of Roanoke in the 1500′s disappeared without a trace, hmmmm that’s quite a stretch.

Hayden Christensen still can’t act, not well anyway and John Leguizamo can.  Thandie Newton can also act.  I felt bad for them because this movie just takes you no where, the little kid in this movie played by Jacob Latimore was also a pretty good actor, he is kind of the unsung hero of the movie.

It is a creepy movie to start then it just become repetitious and boring.  A couple of scenes ran together like a bad editing job.  Really it was like the director filmed two alternate scenes and forgot to edit one of them out, so you are like what just freakin happened there? Overall I really did not like this movie, it did have great potential but loses you as a viewer.

I give this movie 2 Beers.

The Three Musketeers (2011)

The Three Musketeers (2011)

All for one and one for all, here is yet another version of the “Three Musketeers”, actually there is 4 if you count D’Artagnan.  Of course every time they do one of these movies it always stars some well know actors and this movie is loaded with them. None of them “A” lister’s but you know who they are.

Athos (Mathew Macfadyen), Aramis (Luke Evans), and Porthos (Ray Stevenson) are accompanied by Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich), who is also Atho’s love interest, to break into a Venetian vault and steal one of Divinci’s secret war machine designs. The three are betrayed by Milady and she gives the plans to the Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom). Meanwhile a young upstart musketeer wanna be D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman) wants to make a name for himself.  He bites off more than he can chew when he challenges the Captain of the Cardinal’s Guard Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen).  Eventually they team up to thwart the plot by Cardinal Richelieu (Christopher Waltz) and his double agent Milady, to overthrow a young a naive King Louis VIII (Freddie Fox) and plunge Europe into war.

This movie was entertaining and silly, yes silly.  I found my self laughing at of parts in the movie.  There is quite a bit of humor in this film.  Which made it enjoyable to watch.  It did not take itself seriously at all.  All the actors knew what type of movie this was going to be and they just had fun with it.  Visually and costume wise this movie was fantastic. The special effects were great and I liked the twist in bringing some steam punkish technology into the film to make it unique.

The action sequences were well choreographed and were actually really good.  I was impressed most with Percy Jackson, uh I mean Logan Lerman.  He pulled off some mighty fine sword play in this film. Freddie Fox was absolutely hilarious as the King of France.  Mads Mikkelsen is of course, a great villain.  Why does he in every movie always have something wrong with his eyes? Casino Royale, Valhalla Rising, Clash of the Titans and now this one, what gives Mads? I digress, just as in Inglorious Bastards, Christopher Waltz gives a great performance as a likeable but sinister villain. I almosy did not recognize Orlando Bloom, but he was a good smarmy Duke and had an annoyingly obnoxious British accent.

I found this movie very entertaining.  It is kind of silly  It’s a total popcorn flick. It will never be liked by most critics, but it was fun to watch.  You could tell the actors had a good time with it too.  I mean if they took their roles too serious this movie never would have worked.

I would recommend this movie but most people who watch it may go, ” that was a dumb ass movie”, and they would be right.  It is because they might have thought it was going to be some serious action flick.  Hey it was better than 1993′s version with Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, Chris O’Donnell and Oliver Platt, now that was a dumb movie. I think most people will enjoy this, take my advice and remember just have fun watching it.

I give this movie 4 Beers.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark

I happen to like Guillermo del Toro films. “Pan’s Labyrinth” is one of my top 50 movies, and of course the “Hell Boy” series rocks!  When I saw the previews and trailers I was like ok this looks good. It stars Katie Holmes, Guy Pearce, and Bailee Madison.

This is about a couple, Alex and Kim, that are renovating Blackwood Manor.  During this hectic time Alex’s troubled daughter Sally is sent to live with him because her slacker ass mom has no time for her anymore. Kim tries to reach out to Sally but to no avail, Sally is kind of little bitch and her father is too busy directing the repair and trying to plan social events to revitalize his career to spend much time with her.  Sally soon discovers in the garden hidden in the brush, a glass roof to a room that must be a basement.  The property care taker warns not to open up a sealed door that leads to the basement.  He seems to know a lot more than he is willing to share.  Of course they don’t listen to him. Any way, Soon Sally starts hearing voices calling to her, then she starts seeing these evil little black things that are vicious but very smart. They soon learn that Blackwood has a history and these little dark fairies want to kill and eat children’s teeth. Some pact humans made with them centuries ago or some shit. The evil little bastards target Sally and won’t stop until they get what they want.

This movie was really scary, if your 10 years old! It was not scary at all, it was a little creepy but that’s it. I was not a big fan of this movie.  To me it really was not an adult horror flick. The only gotcha moment came toward the end of the movie involving Holmes.  The acting and special effects were fine but it is really kind of a slow-paced movie and takes awhile to get to the good stuff, which there is not a whole lot of.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not a terrible movie at all but if you rent it expecting a real horror movie you will be very disappointed.  Now it is spooky enough to give your pre-teen and teenagers nightmares but not you.  It is an interesting story and a decent movie. I have said before I am a hardcore horror fan, so this movie you may enjoy more than I did. But it is just an ok movie overall.

I give this movie 3 Beers.

I Saw the Devil

I Saw the Devil

This Korean film is destined to become a classic.  One of the best foreign crime thrillers I have seen in a long time.

This is the story of Special Agent Kim Soo-hyeon (Byung-hun Lee) of the Korean version of the FBI.  While on his way home he comes across a crime scene and discovers his pregnant wife has been butchered by a serial killer.  He goes into mourning but not for long, he gets pissed!  He methodically narrows down the suspects and tracks down his man, a notorious serial killer Kyung-chul (Min-sik Choi).  When Kim confronts Kyung he beats him into submission and plants a tracking device inside his body, dumps him off on the side of the road with a pocket full of money. What? It’s so Kim can track him down and beat his ass again and again! This was so freakin cool Kyung has no idea WTF is going on until Kyung discovers the device and turns the table of revenge into a killing spree that leads up to the final bloody showdown.

Director Kim Jee-woon has done it again with another great movie. Byung and Min are both outstanding in their roles. In Byung’s character he brings out the wide range of emotions and Hollywood needs to take notice.  Not only can he kick ass but he is a great actor. Min you will hate him in this movie, he is just a sick twisted pervert with no regard for human life, but that’s  how well he played his role. You hate him!

This movie was filled with great suspense, action and some really gory scenes.  But the story was great, it was not your average tale of revenge but a very intriguing story.  Great acting and directing,

This is a foreign film, you can watch it dubbed (which sucked) or with subtitles, which I felt was the best way. It just lends to the credibility of the actors hearing their own emotions.  This movie isn’t for everyone but if you want to see a really good crime thriller check it out.

I give this movie 4 Beers

Dream House

Dream House trailer

I heard good things about this movie from some friends and some critics.  They told me it’s like “Six Sense”, “Gothika”, and “The Fugitive” rolled into one. It has Naomi Watts, Daniel Craig, and Rachel Weisz.  So winner winner chicken dinner, NOT!

Craig plays Bill Atenton and Weisz his wife. Bill quits his job to move to the suburbs to spend more time with his family.  They are a happy couple, it seems.  One night Bill hears noises in the basement goes to check and finds a group of Goth kids doing some kind of séance.  From them he finds out that a family was murdered in the home they just bought.  He tries to get information from the police but they won’t talk about it.  As a matter of fact the whole freaking town doesn’t want to tell him anything about it.  Watts plays his neighbor across the street and is the only one who seems to really know what happened.  She tells him that the wife and two little girls were killed by the husband and before the wife died she shot the husband in the head, but he survived.  Bill digs for info on the killer and finds out he has just been released from a psyche hospital.  He tries to track down the murder and stumbles upon the unbelievable truth.

This was to me a real lame “thriller”.  It has all been done before so there really was no surprise that will shock awe you.  As a matter of fact I figured it out in the first 20 minutes.  I am not going to ruin it for you if you want to see though.  It was kind of slow-paced movie and no thrill.  Good actors but I thought a bad movie.  I think they tried too hard with the plot to make everything tie in but forgot that it is supposed to be a suspense thriller,

I am a hard-core horror fan so if you’re not you might check it out and actually like it.  Your parents will probably like it more  (you know the older generation) it’s more their pace. But it is my blog and my opinion of what I thought of it.  I was very disappointed

I give this movie 2 Beers.

Human Centipede II: Full Sequence

Human Centipede II: Full Sequence trailer

I saw the first movie so I had to see the second one too.  Wow, it did not disappoint on the old gross out meter, but lacked in overall development into a great horror movie.

This movie was about a dimwitted sexually abused tiny man’s obsession of the movie “The Human Centipede”.  His name is Martin and he has had enough obsessing and now its time to act.  He starts collecting victims left and right with no regard of getting caught, he takes them to a warehouse  he has rented, after killing the owner, to began his twisted fantasy of making a 12 person human centipede.  He gets his idea to link them mouth to ass in a chain, like he witnessed in the original  movie, and le piece de resistance, he lures the actress Ashlynn Yennie (playing herself), who played the victim in the original film to head the monstrosity. However, Martin is a disturbed individual and not a disturbed surgeon as in the first film.  So his attempts to operate as he saw the doctor in the movie don’t always go as planned.  It is a bloody, gory mess.

They could not have picked a better person to play Martin (Laurence R. Harvey).  I mean he was sooooo creepy. It was not that he was menacing or over powering, it was he was constantly underestimated because of his size. Also he does not speak in the film either which adds more to the F’ed up factor.  Tom Six the director decided to film this movie in black and white.  It added to the creepiness of it and saved us visually from some very gross and disturbing scenes.  The “feed her” scene from the 1st movie aint got jack on this one!

Though I did like the movie it did feel rushed to just get to the gross stuff.  I mean Martin worked at a parking garage as a security guard, and no one noticed him whacking people on the head and throwing them in his van. I’m mean all their cars were still there too.  Security tapes, him not being at his post?  I know I am being picky but it just was not realistic. Good movie not great.

This is a very disturbing film. It is meant to shock and gross you out. Martin is a fantastic character, I hope to see him again. But overall the movie lacked in a lot of areas and was just ok overall.  If you are into gross films this is a must see. If you are curious and want to see it, consider yourself warned!

I give this movie 3 Beers,

Final Destination 5

Final Destination 5 trailer

Alright here is installment number 5.

This the same movie as the rest. Someone has a vision, saves a few of the people around him.  Then one by one the are killed off in unique yet horrific ways. That’s it.

This was really bad, by far the worst of the series! I know you are never going to capture the originality of the first movie or the inventive way 2 continued the story, but damn at least make a watchable movie.  They didn’t even try, the story was recycled, acting terrible, plot meaningless and the only one that died that was freakin cool was the gymnast crushing herself off the uneven bars.  Now that was gnarley!!  The bridge scene that the vision was part of was cool but that was it, the rest of the movie was so lame I started falling asleep.  You should never fall asleep in a horror movie!  I hope this is the last one Hollywood will make of this movie because this was garbage!

I give this movie 1 Beer.

Wrath of the Titans

Wrath of the Titans trailer

Perseus (Sam Worthington) is back!  In this sequel to Clash of the Titans, Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes also return in their roles as Zeus and Hades respectively.

Zeus comes to Perseus to enlist his help once again, Perseus wants nothing to do with the affairs of the gods, he just wants to raise his son Hellius.  But Perseus’s 1/2 brother the god of war Ares (Edgar Ramirez) and his uncle Hades have conspired to capture Zeus and drain his power to release the father of the gods, Kronos.  The gods powers are failing and the prison Tartarus that holds the imprisoned  titans is crumbling.  Perseus, Andromeda (Rosamund Pike), and his cousin Agenor (Toby Kobbell) the son of Poseidon (Danny Huston), must enlist the help of Hephaestus (Bill Nighy) to sneak into the underworld and rescue Zeus.  They must stop the titans before they destroy all of humanity.

This was an ok movie. Heres what I did like: great acting, awesome 3D, and special effects.  This movie was nothing but eye candy.  Here is what I didn’t like: in between the action scenes it was just a lame story, to many unnecessary characters, and a sorry plot.

It just seemed that as long as there was action sequences with monsters and fighting, the movie was fine.  However, they can’t do that through the whole movie, so they just filled in the slow scenes with really lame introduction of characters that had no bearing on the plot or movie.  Like Agenor, he was the son of Posiedon, he was just comic relief in the movie.  Perseus’s son, Hellius, no reason he should have been in the movie if they weren’t going to use him in some way.  Zeus said “we get our power from our son’s”.  That’s the only reason he was in the film, just so Zeus could deliver that line, lame! Hephaestus was also comic relief but at least his role had meaning.  He built Tartarus and knew of the way into the underworld, made sense.  Finally Queen Andromeda, in mythology and the original Clash of the Titans, she and Perseus were married.  Well the remake they didn’t hook up, so I felt they just threw her into this movie to have her finally be with Perseus.

The movie was entertaining, the action and 3D special effects carried the movie.  That’s not how it’s supposed to be though, the story should always be first and not a lame excuse for a story. If your into awesome special effects and a great 3D movie on the big screen by all means go see it, if you’re not wait for the DVD.  I was entertained, because of the acting and effects involved. That  is the only reason I like this movie.  If it would have been unknown actors like in the “Immortals” , I probably would not have liked this at all.

I give this movie 3 Beers.

The Hunters

The Hunters trailer

I rented this movie and I can’t remember why.  I wish I would have forgotten to rent it too.

This Canadian horror movie, if you want to call it that, was one boring and poorly put together mess. It’s about a group of hunters that go to this old fort and well, go hunting, like it’s their own personal game preserve.  You get to kinda know each hunter and they all have problems in their own lives and live to escape them when they go hunting on the weekend.

Meanwhile a new person on the local police force known only as Le Saint (Chris Briant), he is some former Canadian Army hero or some shit. Isn’t that an oxymoron?  Anyway the town has had over 22 missing persons reported in a year, he thinks he can help but his asshole boss warns him to stay away and do what he is told to do. While jogging he meets Alice (Dianna Agron), a very pretty girl who for some reason takes an interest in Le Saint.    The film keeps showing flash backs of a woman Le Saint is in bed with, who the hell is she? You will never get an answer either, through out the movie they flash back to her but  my best guess he loved her at one time, thats it, no name or back story. It was a train wreck of crap thrown into to this movie.

He eventually discovers that this group of hunters are actually hunting humans that they trap in Fort Goben’s vast preserve.  Le Saint fights back and kills one, takes his gun and now the hunters have become the hunted, sort of.

This movie was so bad, nothing made sense and there was no connection to the characters.  You just didn’t care if they lived or died.  When they had gun fights they emptied clip after clip at each other at almost point-blank range and freaking miss, most pathetic gun fights I have ever witnessed.

Then they just throw in a pretty girl for no reason what so ever. He meets her at the beginning of the movie and she makes a reappearance at the end of the movie just so he can save her life. Dumb as hell. She had nothing to do with the story the whole movie at all.  This was not a horror movie, I mean they threw in some served heads on a trophy wall and only one guy seemed to be a complete psycho.  However it was not at all intense or remotely scary only because you can’t  get over the fact of how boring it is.  This was a true waste of film. Don’t bother, I wanted to turn it off so bad.

I give this movie 1 Beer.