Straw Dogs (2011)

Straw Dogs trailer

This remake of the 1971 movie is just that a remake and no real attempt to separate itself from the original.

The story is about a married Hollywood couple returning to her home town in Blackwater, MS.  The husband David Sumner, played by James Marsden, is a writer and his wife Amy Sumner is an actress.  David and Amy go to the local dinner and are welcomed somewhat creepily by Charlie, played by Alexander Skarsgard.  He is an ex beau from her past but it seems he is still living there in his mind.  David hires Charlie and his motley crew to repair the roof on Amy’s family homestead.  The locals act like they are treating David nice but they have already made up their minds, “he thinks he’s to good for us”.

The trouble starts when the crew takes David hunting and abandons him, while Charlie pays Amy a surprise visit.  Also the ex football coach, played by James Woods, is an alcoholic asshole that just bullies people around and the crew follows his lead.  The coach has a real hard on for this autistic man Jeremy, played by Dominic Purcell, hanging around his 15 year daughter.  Well at a football game, the little hussy seduces Jeremy in the locker room and the coach goes apeshit looking for her. David and Amy head back home and hit Jeremy crossing the street. They take him back to their place and it does not take long in a small town to find someone you are looking for.  So the coach and Charlie’s crew go to get Jeremy, at any cost.

This movie was kind of slow at the begging but eventually got rolling.  However, it did not roll far.  Alexander Skarsgard played a really creepy character, James Wood’s asshole coach was awesome.  Marsden and Bosworth were excellent in their roles also.  The movie its self was bad, just nothing but over the top stereotypes butting heads.  The rich liberal metro sexual vs the manly man, bible thumping, uneducated, rednecks.  The scenarios in the movie were totally unbelievable, I mean come on your willing to assault, rape, and murder just to get some guy with autism out of the house.  And on Dominic Purcell’s role as Jeremy, pathetic why he chose this role I have not a clue, he would have been better as one of the rednecks.  The writers really screwed up his role and it was in fact totally unneccessary for the movie.

Yeah this movie had an air of creepiness but it’s climax was just over the top unbelievable.  I did like how Charlie bit the dust, oh come on like you couldn’t figure out that someone has to die, pu-leez.  I think women would enjoy this thriller more than guys would.  I really thought it lacked in a lot of areas and just too cliché, but it is a remake on Dustin Hoffman’s 1971 classic.

I give this movie 2 Beers.

Warrior

Warrior trailer

I have just witnessed one of the great fight dramas of all time. This movie should be ranked right up there with Rocky. It brought tears to my eyes and just let me state for the record, that takes a lot.  And I wasn’t even drinking.

This is the story of two brothers Brendan Conlon and Tommy Conlon. Both have taken very different paths in their lives but have one thing in common both are great fighters. Brendan played by Joel Edgerton, is a retired UFC fighter who now teaches physics at a local high school in Philadelphia.  Tommy played by Tom Hardy, is an ex state high school wrestling champ and an ex-Marine that has gone AWOL from his unit in Iraq.  They both had a rough childhood, their mother left with Tommy and Brendan decided to stay because of his high school sweet heart, who he married and to get away from their abusive alcoholic father played by Nick Nolte.

Tommy shows up and wants his now recovering alcoholic father  Paddy to train him after Tommy beats down the number one MMA middle weight contender in the world in a sparring match.  Brendan in the mean time is trying to save his house from foreclosure and has been moonlighting in local fights for $500 a fight but is suspended from his teaching job when his students and administration find out.  Both take different paths but ultimately end up being in the biggest MMA tournament ever, Sparta, with a 5 million dollar winner take all purse.  Each fighting for a different reason, Tommy to donate his money to his fallen Marine buddy’s widow and her children.  Brendan, to save his family and their home.  They have been ripped apart for more than 14 years and now are thrust back together in a brutal tournament, but their can be only one winner.

This movie top to bottom was well written and directed, kudos to Gavin O’Connor he did a marvelous job. Tom Hardy who will be playing “Bane” in the next Batman movie was freakin awesome as well as Joel Edgerton.  This movie is not just about fighting, that’s just what they do, it’s about sacrifice and family above all.  This movie of course will probably get snubbed by the “Academy” but I feel it was definitely Oscar worthy.

The fight scenes seemed so real, they actually captured the essence of MMA fighting.  Both actors did a top-notch job of what must have been brutal training to prepare for their roles.  I couldn’t help but sit there and cheer them both on, the movie just sweeps you in and you feel the emotion. Thanks to great writing, directing and acting.  You feel it and even more you get it!  Even if you’re not a fan of the UFC, it doesn’t matter, this is a great movie.  I would definitely recommend you watching this one and try not to cry in front of your boys!  You will score points with your spouse or girlfriend though and she will love this movie too.

I give this movie 5 Beers.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Finally got to watch this re-make of the original Rise of the Planet of the Apes staring Roddy McDowell and I have to say that this is how you do a good Sci Fi movie.

James Franco plays Dr. Will Rodman a brilliant scientist working on a cure for Alzheimer’s disease.  He is doing tests on chimps and one female in particular shows remarkable improvement in her cognitive skills.  So he goes to his bosses and is ready to show her off when she literally goes, ape shit.  The guards pop a cap in her ass and soon Rodman discovers that she had, had a baby and was just protecting it.  The rest of the chimps are also put down so Rodman smuggles the baby home to meet his father, played by John Lithgow, who is suffering from Alzheimer’s and is the drive behind finding a cure.  They soon discover the baby chimp they named Caesar, has a remarkable intellect and Rodman soon learns that the drug/virus he created was passed on to Caesar by genetics.

He experiments on his own father and cures him of the disease only to have it return worse than before after the body fights the cure off.  Later on his father is attacked by their asshole neighbor after being confused and getting into the neighbor’s car.  Caesar comes to the rescue and does what chimps do in a fight, he bites the guys finger off.  So he goes to chimp jail ran by John Landon, played by Brian Cox and his son Dodge, played by Draco Malfoy, I mean Tom Felton. Yes he was a prick in this movie too.  Caesar soon realizes that humans are mean and not as smart as they think they are.  Also he realizes that he can run this bitch up in here.  So he escapes and goes home where he knows Rodman keeps the smart drug and gets it for the rest of the apes and the chaos ensues.

I am really impressed at how well written and directed this film was.  I honestly was not expecting a great movie but I was surprised.  My only criticism would be the were a few parts that the CGI effects were a little shabby but over all great CGI effects.  You got the emotion of what Caesar was feeling, the facial expressions, the sinister leer it was very well done.  I mean you know in your mind the apes are fake but they seemed so real and evoke emotion in you as you watch.

They story went beyond the original’s hokeyness and vastly improved it.  The pace of the movie kept driving you forward and never letting you get bored what so ever. No there is no blood and guts  or people getting blown up.  Just good suspense action. Now people did get killed,  I’m just saying it aint a horror flick.  Again a well done film from top to bottom, great story, special effects, acting, and direction.  I recommend checking out this one.

I give this movie 5 Beers.

The Hangover II

The Hangover II trailer

Ok I loved The Hangover, it was original and pretty funny.  So I downed a couple of beers and watched The Hangover II.  It was funny but it was like watching the first one over again with more serious shit happening.

I won’t go into who played what role because it is everybody from the first movie including Cho, who has a much bigger role in this one and steals the scenes from the other actors.

Stu is getting married to an Asian hottie and he invites the gang to Thailand to his wedding, yes even Alan.  They meet the family including  the father of the bride that does not like Stu and her 16-year-old brother, Teddy, that’s some kind of prodigy.  After the rehearsal dinner the friends and Teddy go down to the beach to have a drink and retire for the night.  Oh, they retired alright.  They wake up in some sleaze ball hotel room, with a monkey, Cho passed out and Teddy’s finger in a bowl but no Teddy.  Then the craziness ensues as they try to rehash what happened to them and find Teddy before the wedding.  Did Alan do it again, come on man!

This was a funny movie but all the jokes had been done in the first.  The film-makers just kept trying to find new ways to shock you through the movie and it gave it a little more serious tone than the first.  It was funny in parts, but not as a whole.  You will laugh out loud in a few and go “Daaaaammn” in some others.  I loved the surprise cameo at the end, classic.  However it really is just a remake of the first but in a different location.  It’s like they didn’t even try to make it any different really.  The director and producers decided, “ok you liked the first one so much we’ll give it to you again, but instead of Vegas it will be Bangkok, ah ha!”

Listen, it was pretty funny but not a great movie.  Go ahead and rent it if you saw the first one.  If you didn’t see the first RENT IT!  Then watch this one but don’t expect to much from it.  I was disappointed it was not funnier, but still worth seeing.

I give this movie 3 Beers.

 

The Debt

The Debt trailer

Decided to watch this film based on the trailer I saw.  I am always in the mood for some good old spy and suspense movies.

The movie jumps back and forth between 1966 and 2011 to tell the story of 3 young Mossad agents (the Israeli CIA). The agents are Rachel Singer, played by Jessica Chastain/Helen Mirren, David Peretz, played by Sam Worthington/Ciaran Hinds and Stephan Gold, played by Marton Csokas/Tom Wilkinson.  They are sent into the heart of Russian controlled East Germany to capture a Nazi war criminal, Dr. Dieter Vogel aka “The Butcher of Birkenau”, played by Jesper Christensen.  They are to capture him and smuggle him out of Berlin to bring him back to Israel to stand trial.  This way the world will know what he did during WWII and be punished for his heinous crimes he committed against thousands of Jewish women and children.

All go as planned, but as they are smuggling him out, the drug that they knocked him out with wears off and he alerts the authorities.  So they have to keep him hidden in their apartment until they can hatch another escape.  Well Heir Doctor is the only one doing the escaping.  He gets loose and attacks Rachel.  As he is fleeing for his life, a bloody and battered Rachel manages to shoot and kill him before he could make it to the street.  They are welcomed back to Israel as national heroes and are invited to travel the country, talk about their exploits, and tell their story.  But is it the true story of what really happened?  Thirty years later the skeletons in the closet are starting to knock and it is taking everything they have to keep from opening that door. But they can’t escape their past and they can’t escape the truth.

Ok here is the skinny.  I thought it was pretty good. It told a good story but not a great one.  The acting was great and the direction was fine.  It was just a little slow-paced for me.  It had a few action scenes and a great ending but as a thriller it lacked.  Oh there was intrigue and suspense but not a lot of thrilling going on in this one.

It reminds me of the first half of Clint Eastwood’s, “Firefox”, had some action, suspense but you keep waiting till he steals the plane. Well in The Debt, you keeping waiting.  Like I said it is a little slow but a good movie.  I will say this, your parents will probably like it more than you but rent it and see for yourself.

I give this movie 3 Beers.

Grotesque (Unrated 2009)

Did not put trailer with this one.

Ok I forced my self to finish this movie and now I need to take a shower.

This Japanese horror flick is about a couple on their first date.  When the young girl asks her date ” Would you die for me?”  He replies after some thought, ” I would do my best”.  Little did they know they were foreshadowing their own futures.  They are knocked out and kidnapped by a sick psycho.  When they wake up they find themselves tied up in what appears to be a home-made operating room.  They are promised if they can excite the psycho he will let them go free.  Then he begins!  They both are sexually assaulted. Then they are tortured throughout the film.  After the male victim is castrated, the psycho has found his “excitement” he treats their wounds and takes really good care of them.  He promises to take them to the police and turn him self in. So for days he feeds them and treats their wounds. Gives them medication, then uh oh they wake up tied to the tables again!!  Psycho.

Now this movie has English subtitles but believe me there aint much talking going on in this film.  When the Japanese decide to do a horror movie, they do a horror movie.  This was the most sick and twisted movie I have seen to date!  I mean it was gruesome.  Gory is an understatement, the sheer terror that you feel for the people as he is dicing them up makes you want to turn off your DVD player.  It’s not that you like the characters, you just feel for them as humans. The psycho himself is a handsome man, seems refined, and has a taste for classical music while he is cutting off body parts.  He is calm, never once raises his voice when talking to his victims, it’s just business to him.  Makes him seem even more terrifying that he is so matter of fact about what he is doing to them.

The movie has about a 7 minute scene of character development, that’s it.  The whole movie is torture.  Even when the psycho is being nice to them (and they’re falling for it) he is killing them with kindness, even after cutting off the guys junk and other body parts of the female. The plot, what plot? Torture, that’s the plot.  When the movie reaches its climatic ending scene it is one you will never forget.  It reminded me of a scene from Evil Dead 2 but much more gruesome.

Listen you have to be a big time horror movie buff to sit through this one (and a little twisted).  If you thought Saw or Hostile was horrifying then don’t watch this one.  If your into blood, guts and intense realistic torture effects then knock yourself out with this. The Japanese are some perverted people when it comes to horror movies! Watch at your own risk.

I give this movie 3 Beers.

Devil’s Double

Devil’s Double trailer

This great movie is based on the true story of Latif Yahia, about his life as a body double for Uday Hussein.  Both character’s in the movie are played by Dominic Cooper.  The story takes place during the late 80′s and early 90′s.  The movie tells Latif’s story of first hand accounts of the insanity, sociopathic, and brutal ways of Sadam Hussein’s youngest son Uday.  How Latif was a witness to the many rapes, tortures, and murders of numerous people including young school girls. Latif falls in love with the beautiful and sexy Sarrab, played by Ludivine Sagnier.  She is Uday’s number one squeeze and it is forbidden that Latif even talk to any woman who Uday has laid claim to. Well they end up bumping uglies anyway but are careful not to get caught.  Eventually Latif has had enough of watching Uday just brutalize and intimidate everyone including him, so he escapes with Sarrab.  But no one can escape the long arm of the Hussein’s as long as you stay in the Middle East.  So an assassination coup is hatched to take out the evil son of a motherless goat herder.  Well we all know what eventually happens to Uday (USA! USA!), but I did not know that what happened in this movie actually took place first.  Watch and find out.

This was a very well done movie.  Dominic Cooper should be nominated for an Oscar in his portrayal of both characters.  It tells an excellent story that none of us probably knew, and the depth of insanity that Uady Hussein possessed.

Rent this movie, it’s a suspense laden drama that is very fast paced and not boring at all!  Highly entertaining and great acting.  If you didn’t already hate the Hussein’s, then you really will after watching this movie.

I give this movie 4 Beers.

Fright Night (2011)

Fright Night (2011) trailer

This remake of 1985′s Fright Night, one of the best vampire movies in my opinion, is just an updated version of the original.  It had little differences that made it unique but it was pretty much the same story.  Some of the little differences for instance were that Charlie Brewster, played by Anton Yelchin, started off the movie cool, not a geek and was not friends anymore with Evil Ed, played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse.  Evil Ed already knows that Jerry is a vampire and tries to convince Charlie.  Peter Vincent the vampire hunter, played by Doctor Who’s David Tennant, had a life experience, whom despite his hokey Las Vegas show, actually does believe in vampires.  Then Colin Ferrell of course plays Jerry.  He is a much more brooding and sinister vampire than Chris Sarandon played.  Sarandon just happens to make a pretty cool cameo in one of the best scenes of the movie.  In this movie Jerry  has no daytime man servant/ghoul and is not killing his victims but is turning them, to rebuild his lost coven.

This movie was ok, not nearly as good as the first.  The original was, well, original and has become a classic.  This movie is not destined to become one.  This movie just lacked the shock and intensity of discovering there is a vampire living next door.  Ferrell’s Jerry is definitely more vicious and showed off some cool vampire feats of strength but the CGI effects and make up was like a low-budget cable movie.  Now this movie did have some really good fight scenes and some gore that were pretty cool. but as a whole it was just average and not very scary.

I think if you have never seen the original you will probably like this movie a lot.  If you have not seen the 1985 version I suggest renting it, it’s a classic!  Evil Ed in the original was played by Stephen Geoffreys and was priceless in his portrayal.

I recommend checking it out.  It’s not a terrible movie at all, it’s very entertaining.   I am just a bigger fan of the original.

I give this movie 3 Beers.

Hot Tub Time Machine

Hot Tub Time Machine trailer

This time travel buddy comedy is about a threesome of high school friends as adults living out their apparently miserable lives.  Adam, played by John Cusack, is going through divorce and doesn’t seem to even care.  His computer nerd nephew Jacob, played by Clark Duke, lives with him in the basement because Jacob’s mom is a druggie drunken whore.  Craig Robinson plays Nick, a failed rapper in his youth, now works at a pet grooming salon and does not own a man card anymore.  He even took his wife’s last name when they were married.  Rob Corddry plays an alcoholic dickhead named Lou, that just wants to party and rehash the times of his youth.

The event that brings the estranged friends back together is when Lou passes out drunk in his car while its running in his garage.  It appears to police to be an apparent suicide attempt.  So Adam and Nick decide to cheer up Lou and drag Jacob along too, to Kodiak Valley.  A beautiful ski resort town where they had some of the best and worst times of their lives, except Jacob of course. He wasn’t born yet.

They soon discover upon arrival that Kodiak Valley just aint the same. The resort is run down and dilapidated as well as the town.  The four are shown to their room by a very rude and disgruntled one-armed bellhop, played by Crispin Glover. They decide to make the best of it anyway and start getting hammered.  Eventually they get into a hot tub that at first was disgusting then after calling for it to be repaired, magically it was clean hours later.  As they get drunk, Lou spills some plutonium laced Russian energy drink on the control panel and BAM! The hot tub becomes a time machine.   After some of the initial disbelief, they figure out they have traveled back to the “K-Val Winterfest 1986″, the weekend that shaped the rest of their lives forever.  Guided on this journey, was very vague advisor that leaves you asking more questions than he is answering, is the repairman, played by Chevy Chase.  Then all the cliche shit that happens in a time travel movie ensues but they must get back to the hot tub by the end of the festival or be stuck in the past.

Man oh man, I am really having a hard time describing what I thought of this movie, so here it goes.  Being a person that was a teenager in the 80′s I figured this would be pretty funny to watch.  There were parts that were funny but as a whole not really.  Corddry’s character Lou stole the show.  The funniest parts were the bellhop had both arms in 86′, so every scene he is in, his arm is always in jeopardy.  There is a time traveling squirrel too, but I won’t say anymore about that.  However, the movie is just a mish mash of different 80′s themes thrown together at a ski resort and them reliving their lives trying not to change the future but inevitably do.

I mean they throw in a hot tub and made it a time machine.  Had Chevy Chase play some kind of unhelpful time lord.  His character just made no sense and the movie never even tried to explain how the repairman knew about them and how he knew what was going on.  It was just thrown together I think to make a really bad time travel comedy, because we haven’t had one since 1985′s Back to the Future, which was the greatest!  I just found the movie really kind of silly and not real funny.  It had some good moments but not many.  You rent it and you be the judge but I would wait till a friend has it, then borrow it or watch it on cable.  Oh the sacrifices I make.

I give this movie 2 Beers.

Attack the Block

Attack the Block trailer

A British alien invasion movie brought to you by the producers of “Shaun of the Dead”.  This movie takes place in a British housing project or ghetto if you prefer.  The local hoodrats affectionately call it “the block”.  One night a gang of local hoodlums led by a punk named Moses, played by John Boyega, decide to mug a young girl named Sam, played by Jodie Whittaker, while she was walking back home from work.  Apparently no honor in robbing someone who also lives in the block too, as Sam does.  As they relieve her of her valuables a ball of fire lands close by and some strange small looking creature tries to attack them.  They beat it to death and take it to the local pot head Ron, played by Nick Frost, to try to find out what the hell it is.  It looked like a lion had a baby with a hippo to me.  Anyway as they are all freaked out in Ron’s apartment, then they notice numerous ball of light falling to the ground outside.

When they go outside to check it out, the gang is confronted by a big nasty black mass about the size of a gorilla.  It has no features what so ever, just black, super black.  Except when it opens its mouth to roar.  It’s teeth and mouth are illuminated by a blue bioluminescent light.  These creatures, at a guess are apparently looking for their offspring, and go on a rampage after the gang of punks plus anyone who gets in their way. The rest of the movie is the gang holding up in their “block trying to stave off the attacks of the black gorilla creatures.  Ironically they have to depend on Sam, the very girl that they robbed, for their survival.

I thought this was going to be a cool scifi comedy based on the trailer.  It was not a comedy, it had a couple of funny moments but overall was  a serious (cough) movie, and not a very good one.

The characters were forgettable and you don’t give a damn about the little shits.  I know every culture has their own slang and street talk, but these British kids sounded like they grew up on the streets of Jamaica.  You could hardly make out what they were saying for half of the movie.  The aliens were also lame.  The were four-legged gorilla shaped creatures but so black they had no features at all.  That was a big let down.  As far as why they were invading, it’s a stoner’s best guess.  They just float around through space like spores from a fungus and take over a planet through predation.

This movie was just full of holes in the plot, aliens that were shitty, and characters you could not even cheer for when they fought  in the carnage.  I was highly disappointed because I loved “Shaun of the Dead”.  I thought it would be just as good but this movie is very forgettable.  I can’t believe all the praise this movie got from film critics, did they see the same freaking move I did.

I give this movie 2 Beers.